How Big Is Your Hurt?

For ages 3-6
From TLC’s What Color Is Your Hurt? Intervention Program, Worksheet 3.4

Tell your child that you know he/she has been hurt on the inside by this incident. Tell your child that you care about him and how he feels. Ask your child how big his hurt is today. As way of measuring, ask him to stretch out his arms as wide as his hurt is big. Then take a wide ribbon and measure the length of the child’s arms (this equals the amount of hurt). Cut the ribbon. Then put the hurt ribbon in an envelope. Decide together where to keep the envelope.

Tell your child that in a few weeks you will measure your hurt again. Also tell your child that hurt always gets smaller than it was the first day. It’s like when you fall down and scrape your knee. At first you have a really big cut or scrape and it hurts a lot. Then, after a little while it starts to go away. It gets smaller and smaller until finally it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Reflect the following with your child:

• Is it okay to feel hurt? Yes of course it is. We all feel hurt sometimes. Even grown-ups feel hurt sometimes
• Does the hurt stay forever? No. It goes away. Just like when it’s cloudy and raining outside, it does not rain forever. The sunny, happy, hopeful days come out and stay for a while. It’s also like when we blow bubbles, the bubbles get big, but then they pop and go away. They do not last forever just like the hurt does not last forever.
• It’s okay to cry when we feel hurt.
• It helps to talk about our hurt to other people. Who can we tell when we feel hurt?
  - family member (mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, etc)
  - friend, school mate
  - teacher, counselor, bus driver

End this activity on a positive note. Have a snack together, read a book, or play on the swings with your child.

In a Few Weeks…
Ask your child how big (or little) his hurt is now by having him hold out his arms as wide as the hurt is now. With the wide ribbon, measure how big the hurt is now. Cut the ribbon.

Take out the ribbon from the hurt envelope and compare the measurement of the two ribbons. Hopefully, your child’s hurt will be lessened and the ribbon will be smaller. If this is the case ask your child about how much less hurt he is feeling now, or reinforce that in time his hurt will get smaller, and even go away. Even if it takes a long time, remind him there are things he can do to stay safe and have fun.

Always end on a positive note after an activity.

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